LIQUID! That's right children, we've set out to capture the essence of this prime pig portion in liquid form! We spent months attempting to harvest the essential oil of bacon by squeezing it, until someone pointed out that bacon doesn't contain an essential oil. Who knew!
So how does one turn bacon into a suitably preposterous, classy, and delicious beverage you might be asking? Well stop asking so many damn questions so I can explain! You simply add alcohol! Indeed, what can't be made better by the addition of alcohol? We even mix alcohol with more alcohol, that's how great it is! And the motto of Preposterous Foods is Ominus is Bonus Intus Bacon (All is Good Within Bacon) so why not mix these to fundamental flavors into a symphony of tastes that will make your eyes bleed with happiness!
It's happened before, and it was wonderful!
So we set out to make the Bacontini, the greatest cocktail ever conceived in the mind of mortal man! Even greater than the Sourtoe Cocktail, although this doesn't contain any body parts. So let us go ever the grocery list for creating this wonder at home:
-Vermouth, sweet or dry depending on your preference
-Vodka or Gin
-Ice
-Cooked bacon, in a strip or rolled in a ball
-Bacon Bits, or just some crumbled bacon
-Reserve some of the bacon drippings, we'll get to that soon
-A glass and mixer help
All that crap in the back isn't needed, it just adds atmosphere! |
This is your brain on the Bacontini |
This still life photo is for sale! Only $199.99! |
Then rim the now greasy glass with bacon bits! This will not only add to the deliciousness of the bacontini, but adds a look that says "I'm confident in my bacon drinking ability!". Your monstrosity should look something like this....
The onion can be added for effect, as long as it doesn't compete with the flavor of the bacon! |
We expect to see it in all the trendiest clubs within the month! |
Now we were left with extra bacon, bacon fat, and all the makings for a martini. To most people, this would seem like a good time to stop, but we here at Preposterous Food like to go that extra step! And so children, we shall be showing how to make a second drink today, the Dirty Bacontini!
A regular dirty martini is a martini with olive brine added to it to create a more savory flavor and dirty tint. So how does this translate to the Bacontini you ask? BACON FAT! The key to a Dirty Bacontini is the left over bacon fat, which you simply add to the drink at the same time as the alcohol! We only encountered one problem to this method. For bacon fat to remain in a liquid state it must be kept warm, and for a martini to be a martini is must be shaken with ice! The result: the bacon fat re-solidified into fat globules with floated about the drink like soggy cotten balls!
We can't be held responsible for any injury, physical or mental, caused by this drink! |
Kill it with fire!!
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