The Deathburger

So Adam and Nolan were sitting in their large leather chairs one day, enjoying fine cigars and sipping cognac when Nolan cried aloud
"I say Adam! What two foods would you say best describe the American spirit of cookery?"
"Well!" Adam slurred after his 4th snifter "I do believe your referring to the bacon cheeseburger and the pizza!"
"But Pizza is from Italy?" asked Nolan
"Nonetheless!" projected Adam "We stout Americans have perfected the dish!"
"Then" stated Nolan "We should cook these two items, and enjoy them as we watch the races today"
"Or an even better idea!" cried Adam, sloshing cognac about "We should combine the two dishes into a delicious concoction of bacon, burger, pizza, and cheese!"
"I say I say! That sounds marvelous!" Bellowed Nolan, and so began the Deathburger!

We began our quest to make the perfect combination of pizza and burger by gathering together the necessary supplies:

- 1 Lb. ground beef
- 1/2 Lb American (hoo-ra!) cheese
- 2 individual pizzas of your choosing
- 1 pound of bacon
- 1/2 onion

We began by splitting the beef into two separate patties of roughly equal size and shape, next we organized the bacon into a symmetrical mess resting upon a bed of tinfoil on a sheet pan. The first step in cooking was to caramelize the onions by submitting them to low heat for quite a while until dark brown, but not burnt (low and slow baby!) Then set your oven to 350 and put the bacon in once the oven's temperature come to fruition. (or if you have an electric griddle, cook the bacon on that for a crispy round of pork goodness)

Once the bacon and onions are cooking, dust off that poor neglected grill of yours and fire it up, it's time for burgers! Cook the burgers to your desired level of rawness (the more raw, the more manly!) and cook the pizza to the manufacturers specifications. Add the cheese to your burgers and assuming you haven't completely botched the whole process, your component's should be finished and look something like this.....

Now come's the fun part, assembling all the raw materials into a glorious assortment of heart-attack inducing goodness. First, put one burger on your pizza, cheesy side facing up and smother with onions, like so....

After the first stage is assembled, place your bacon hodgepodge on top of the caramelized onions, like so....

Then, place the second patty, cheese side down on top of the bacon situation, and the second pizza on top of that. Now congratulate yourself, you've just created a gorgeous Deathburger, fit for a king! A king with no concern for his cholesterol or sodium intake, and who's not too picky about the queen he ends up with! Your finished product should end up something like this....

Oooohhhh that cheesy goodness!

Now cut your Deathburger as desired and garnish with parsley, or some of those little umbrellas that go in sissy drinks! Whatever make you happy..... sissy!

And so, our quest for the ultimate bacon cheeseburger/pizza thing culminated in the Deathburger! Possibly the greatest culinary invention since sliced bread, but then who are we to judge?

We are cooks, cooks who makes terribly awesome food!