Breakfast Sushi

Nine out of seven doctors agree that breakfast is the most important meal of the day, it provides your body with the starting nutrition that it needs to carry you through the doldrums of your dull meaningless life. Unless of course you're a preposterous cook, in which case breakfast is the perfect time to mangle otherwise subtly delicious dishes into bacon-filled grease sprees! Which is why we here at preposterous foods have decided to bestow a gift upon you, the gift of breakfast sushi! Quite possible the greatest step forward in breakfast cuisine since butter.... just butter.

Now I know what you're thinking "But sushi is a concoction of rice, algae, and the raw flesh of fish! How is that suitable for breakfast?" Well maybe you shouldn't be such an interrupting jackass and let me finish! Breakfast sushi is a conglomeration (I love that word) of all the best breakfast tastes, namely:

-1 Lb. Bacon
-1 Bag'o'frozen'hash-browns
-6 Eggs
-Sausage in patty or link form
-1 Bucket of cheese
-Salt and pepper

Alrighty! First steps to making your own breakfast sushi is to set your oven to precisely 360F, and not a degree off! Then take two sheet pans and heavily grease one, it's baking time! (similar to bacon time) On the ungreased sheet pan you shall arrange your bacon in a crosshatch patter (google it Einstein) and then whisk together the 6 eggs with salt and pepper and pour them into the greased sheet pan! Now, put both the eggs and bacon into the oven until the bacon is crispy and the eggs begins to form large bubbles (20 to 30 minutes) Your finished products should look something like this:

By adding an X to the bacon, we've made it preposterously pretty!

You should be able to slip a spatula right underneath your eggs and fold them up in a sheet. The corner on ours is exposing itself, cheeky little devil!

While your eggs and bacon are baking, you should be preparing your hash-browns as directed on the packaging and frying up your sausages! We used an electric griddle to accomplish this, as is befitting our professional status!

Once everything has finished cooking, its time to begin assembling your breakfast delight! Start by cutting a sheet of egg slightly larger than your bacon, then place the slab of bacon on the egg like so:

Then slather liberally with hash-browns, as pictured:

Now delicately smush the sausage onto one side of your creation, as you see here:

 
We rolled our breakfast sushi using an intricate system of pulleys somewhat resembling the rigging used on Napoleonic Era warships, but you can make do with your hands. Firmly grasp the sausage end of your sushi with all the strength your little girly hands can muster and gently roll it over with all the care and delicacy you would use with a baby! This should create a tightly packed breakfast burrito, delicious and nutritious, just like the aforementioned baby!

Now simply slice the burrito into four or five sections and garnish with a fistful of cheese or two!

Mmmmm cheesier than Nolan's one liners!

And Voila! You've just made a mess of the kitchen and something for the cat to choke on! This dish not only makes a great breakfast, but a wonderful hors d'oeuvre for undiscerning party goers! And while it is still in the burrito form, this dish can be used for multiple purposes! Such as:

-A doorstop
-A lawn gnome
-A war club
-A pillow
-A peace club
-A rock
-A seal club
And much more!

This could very well be the most versatile food we've ever featured! Which isn't very hard considering it's the second!